Teat or not

Nowadays teats are popular, so much so that some children have trouble separating themselves from them. We can see it in the mouths of all the children, well almost…for some parents are reticent of its use.

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Your child doesn’t want to let go of his teat? Follow the advice of our psychologist Ségolène Gigou who reveals to us the reasons behind such a strong link and gives useful tips to parents so that the separation takes place easily.

Is the teat really compulsory? Do parents use it in order to have peace at home?

-Children are different. The way of using teats varies from a parent to another. It is recognised that babies have a need for suction since the pregnancy. This need is natural, biological. It is written in our genes, in our emotions. It is nice to suck on something, it relieves the stress babies have. I think that it isn’t compulsory but it is up to the parents to see how they can compensate. Some will compensate with the thumb, others will be happy to suck on anything, whether it is a small corner of a blanket or the mother’s finger.

Should we be worried if children still have a teat after the age of 3 or 4 years old? Is it purely psychological or is it the parents that are unable to say no?

-There is eventually a psychological dimension such as a security blanket. It is up to the parents to change this ritual or to propose an alternative and see if the child still needs it or not. It is only the day that he begins to go to school that there is someone from the outside that looks at your child. And from this exterior view, suddenly, we begin to say: “Yes, it is true that he always has his teat, does he still needs it?” and than we test how he copes without the teat. It isn’t a question of age. It might be out of place to have a teat at the age of 8 years old. It isn’t so much the question of the dummy. If it seems that this need of a dummy is still there and predominant compared to others, there might still be a need which has never been fulfilled and is still important.

Which advice would you give to parents so that their children stop using a teat?

Not to push at all and to respect the rhythm of the child. Always approach the problem as a game. For example, we can build a small house for the teat, a small bed for it to sleep. Take advantage of a moment that is different and the teat will be less missed.

When parents are against the teat, the argument that they put forward is the one of the absence of communication. What do you think?

There are some parents and children that can cope very well despite the teat, and realise that it is just as hard to talk with a teat in your mouth as with a thumb. We will soon get used to saying: “Listen, I don’t understand you very well, remove your teat, tell me what you have to say and put it back in your mouth when you are done”. When the child doesn’t want to remove his teat, it can create a less precise language and make parents used to understanding half-tsaid awoerdts.

Are you for or against the teat?

I am neither for nor against. What is important is to not be rigid and to stay flexible. Children aren’t all the same. It isn’t easy to be a parent and the teat is a question among many others where we do not have a fixed answer. Learning to be a parent is a real life lesson, a lesson were everyday we make mistakes and learn from them.

Translated from french by Arthur Kouyoumdjian